Does Being A Man Mean I Have To Be A Good Guy?
Does being a good guy get in the way of being a good man?
For most of my life, I have been trying to be the good guy. Saying yes when I really don't have the capacity to deliver. Going along with ideas to be accepted into a group that I really want to be a part of. Moving mountains to get things done while my family suffers. Allowing situations just to get along.
This month at Dragonfly Academy, Saira and I are focusing on healthy boundaries. The topic of boundaries and my overall journey of identifying what it means to be a man has brought up some intriguing things, including ideas about myself that I have been ignoring.
But being a good guy also meant that I bury all the wrong I have done. Friends I have betrayed because of my own immaturity. Relationships I have destroyed because I was too afraid to stand up for what was right. Losing my parents' money and breaking their trust, and hiding it. All of this is also me. But I hide it because it doesn't line up with the idea of me being a good guy.
I allowed my boundaries to be violated because I wanted to be seen as the good guy. But the good guy is just holding me back from living the life the good man wants to live.
Now, I have not figured out what it means to be a good man. That might be a lifelong journey for me, and I feel like it changes at different stages of my life.
But I do know that being a good man is not the same as being a good guy.
A good man requires me to know when to speak and when to stay silent. It requires me to hold others accountable, even if it causes me discomfort. It requires me to admit to mistakes when I make them.
Being a man means I learn how to communicate, especially when it is hard. Being a man means I provide, even if that means I need to step back and let someone else provide. Being a man means I face the hard decisions and not run away from them.
Being a man may mean that I may not be seen as the good guy in every situation. And that is the work I need to do and being okay with a good man that is not liked by everyone.
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